How emotional scars can lead to “Mythic Beauty”
I still carry the physical scars. I also carry mental scars. I react badly to people running up behind me on the pavement. However, I suspect the emotional scars would have been worse had my wallet been taken. As it is, my scars have, in some ways, left me feeling stronger.
Do your emotional scars damage or develop your self-worth?
We all get “attacked” occasionally with words and opinions rather than knives. Words thrown at us can cause severe emotional damage, often disproportionate to the comment. But verbal assaults can also leave you feeling stronger if, like my mugging, you can parry them from a place of principle and integrity.
As a parent, you have probably comforted and reassured your children when they have suffered unwarranted attacks. However, now the kids have gone, your focus reverts to you. You likely feel vulnerable, and those slings and arrows can hurt.
How can you neutralise those barbed comments and put-downs, and more to the point, how can you use them to grow stronger? Here are three ideas:
- Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and determine why they say hurtful things. You will often discover that their attack on you is a defence mechanism triggered by their insecurity and vulnerability.
- Be clear on your values and principles. These are more than armour. They are your core. Compare someone’s spite to your integrity to gain perspective and reinforce your self-worth.
- Engage constructively with your tormentor. Responding with understanding is difficult, but it’s your opportunity to grow, hence the expression “My worst enemy is my best friend”.
One morning, I got into a tussle with a local shopkeeper when I parked briefly in “his space”. As I drove off, I realised his insecurity made him feel I threatened his territory. I always parked considerately on a matter of principle (parking spaces being hard to come by in the town), so I understood his criticisms were unfounded. On returning later that day, I sought out my critic and made peace with him. In so doing, I defused the situation, confirmed my principles and came out of the incident feeling vindicated and stronger.
Emotional scars can develop “Mythic Beauty”
A condition called “Imagined Ugliness” makes some physically ordinary people think they are unattractive to other human beings. Sadly, a similar emotional condition exists in many who have taken to heart the unwarranted criticisms of others. Instead, let your emotional scars give you strength and “Mythic Beauty”.
My name is Jeremy Deedes, and I design and construct a purposeful and satisfying future for entrepreneurial couples whose kids have left home so that they can grow their wealth, free themselves from cloying restrictions and create new ways of making a difference.
Visit jeremydeedes.com or schedule a free 20-minute consultation call to learn how I can work with you.
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What do you think?
Your views are important, and your fellow readers would love to hear your opinion, so share your thoughts in the comments box below, and thank you for your time and generosity.