How emotional scars can lead to “Mythic Beauty”

Jan 28, 2024 | Insights

Are your emotional scars self-sabotaging you or helping you revalue your self-worth and grow your “mythic beauty”?
In 1988, returning to my flat in London late one night, I was mugged. In defiance of the usual advice to submit and hand over the goods in these cases, I got angry and fought back. My attacker did not get my wallet, but I needed thirteen stitches to knife wounds to my face.

I still carry the physical scars. I also carry mental scars. I react badly to people running up behind me on the pavement. However, I suspect the emotional scars would have been worse had my wallet been taken. As it is, my scars have, in some ways, left me feeling stronger.

Do your emotional scars damage or develop your self-worth?

We all get “attacked” occasionally with words and opinions rather than knives. Words thrown at us can cause severe emotional damage, often disproportionate to the comment. But verbal assaults can also leave you feeling stronger if, like my mugging, you can parry them from a place of principle and integrity.

As a parent, you have probably comforted and reassured your children when they have suffered unwarranted attacks. However, now the kids have gone, your focus reverts to you. You likely feel vulnerable, and those slings and arrows can hurt.

How can you neutralise those barbed comments and put-downs, and more to the point, how can you use them to grow stronger? Here are three ideas:

  1. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and determine why they say hurtful things. You will often discover that their attack on you is a defence mechanism triggered by their insecurity and vulnerability.
  2. Be clear on your values and principles. These are more than armour. They are your core. Compare someone’s spite to your integrity to gain perspective and reinforce your self-worth.
  3. Engage constructively with your tormentor. Responding with understanding is difficult, but it’s your opportunity to grow, hence the expression “My worst enemy is my best friend”.

One morning, I got into a tussle with a local shopkeeper when I parked briefly in “his space”. As I drove off, I realised his insecurity made him feel I threatened his territory. I always parked considerately on a matter of principle (parking spaces being hard to come by in the town), so I understood his criticisms were unfounded. On returning later that day, I sought out my critic and made peace with him. In so doing, I defused the situation, confirmed my principles and came out of the incident feeling vindicated and stronger.

Emotional scars can develop “Mythic Beauty”

A condition called “Imagined Ugliness” makes some physically ordinary people think they are unattractive to other human beings. Sadly, a similar emotional condition exists in many who have taken to heart the unwarranted criticisms of others. Instead, let your emotional scars give you strength and “Mythic Beauty”.

My name is Jeremy Deedes. I work with seasoned independent consultants to make sense of their finances and develop a better relationship with their money. This transformative approach allows my clients to achieve their personal and professional goals with confidence and clarity, paving the way for a calmer, more fulfilling path at home and work.

Discover your money maturity score by taking the Money Maturity Quiz at https://shrtm.nu/n2D. It’s free, takes only a few minutes, and you will get your score and recommendations by email immediately.

Then, use the link below to schedule a free 20-minute call with me so we can start you on the path to understanding your money and creating a new story to tell your family and friends.

Photo attribution

Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash

Audio link

https://audio.com/jeremy_deedes/emotional-scars/

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