The Newsletter

My newsletter, published on the first Sunday of each month, supports seasoned freelancers and independent consultants who want to make sense of their money so that they can blaze a brighter trail at home and work while protecting their family's wealth and happiness.

The powerful impact of your relationship with money

Jun 2, 2024 | PSL Newsletters

Your relationship with money, formed by experiences and values, is the unrecognised driver of your decisions.
Your relationship with money, formed by experiences and values, is the unrecognised driver of your decisions.

In this June 24 newsletter and the accompanying Insight posts, I aim to delve deeper into the pervasive influence of money on your life. These posts will provide practical tips and thought-provoking insights to help you understand and manage your relationship with money.

Have you ever considered the immense power your thoughts and beliefs about money hold over every choice you make? It’s a fascinating aspect of our lives that often goes unnoticed.

Understandably, not many have considered this, but it’s worth a thought, isn’t it?

Your relationship with money goes deep

As I write this, I find myself in Lourdes, where I dedicate my time to helping sick and disabled individuals on their journey of healing. This week is particularly intense, and one of the striking differences I’ve noticed is the contrast with everyday life, especially regarding money.

Money takes a back seat in Lourdes, known for its spiritual significance. This is partly due to its nature, which is more about spirituality than materialism. Additionally, practical aspects such as travel, accommodation, and food are often taken care of, allowing visitors to focus on their spiritual journey rather than financial concerns.

This scenario starkly contrasts with how money permeates every aspect of my life back home, and probably yours too. For instance, the decision to take a taxi or the bus to work, or whether to buy a new gadget or save that money for a future vacation, are all influenced by our relationship with money.

Money influences every decision we make

What about you? How much does money’s influence extend to:

  • What and how often you eat and drink
  • The balance between your time spent at work earning money and the time spent at home relaxing
  • Your feelings of envy or irritation about others
  • Your feelings of fear, anxiety and responsibility for others
  • Your choice of transport to work
  • The comfort and warmth of your home
  • Your relationship with your other half
  • Bringing up, educating and supporting your children
  • Your relationships with your friends, colleagues and connections
  • The holidays you take
  • How much you save and spend
  • Your commitment to your older parents and grandparents.

I would be surprised if money only influenced a few of the above. What is more, that influence is often not benign.

Take close relationships, for instance. A few days ago, I had a long conversation about this with a friend involved in helping couples suffering difficulties in their relationships. Sometimes, the relationship turns abusive, and while my friend made it clear that money was no excuse, she sensed that, in most cases, money was an underlying cause of one partner being abusive to the other.

Fear and envy: key drivers of your relationship with money

If you agree, as I expect you do, that money has a profound and often detrimental influence on our behaviour, it begs the question, why, and what can you do about it?

Let’s focus for a minute on how two powerful emotions – fear and envy – influence our behaviours around money. Where do these emotions come from, and how do you manage them?

Fear and envy, as far as money is concerned, originate in some of our early experiences. My parents had this thing about never being shackled by money, either because you hadn’t paid someone or were in debt. The culture of that time and place was such that the owners of our little village shop and the post office knew my parents always paid and were happy to run accounts for them. I piggybacked off this trust, so my parents got angry when I was caught out. To this day, I pay bills as soon as possible, even if standard terms are thirty days. Childhood fears still exert an influence.

Even later life experiences make an impact. My first attempts at selling one-off consultancy packages failed, influencing my later decision to build a business based on regular, predictable subscription fees.

Consider this: Money influences every decision you make. But it’s not just about money itself. Your emotional relationship with and attitude toward money, self-understanding, and self-worth shape your financial decisions.

Get control of your life by taming your relationship with money

So, how much control do you have over these decisions? Is it not that so many of your choices, especially those with financial consequences, are pre-determined by your relationship with money, and you don’t even realise it?

It strikes me that this is worth exploring. Whilst several experts in this field start by asking about your childhood or young adult experiences and then extrapolating them to your current behaviour, I prefer to work backwards.

So, consider a situation in which you have to make a decision with financial implications. For instance:

  • You have to plan a journey. Do you opt for speed, convenience or comfort, which have different financial implications?
  • You know you must visit your parents who are not well, but it is an expensive and time-consuming trip. Do you go now or delay?
  • Your children ask you if they can go on the school trip. You know it will be great for their education and confidence – but it’s a lot of money.

These are just a few examples; take any current or past situation and look deeply behind the decision. On the face of it, it may just be about whether you have the money. But when you look more deeply, other issues emerge.

For instance, in the case of the school trip, your childhood education may have been limited to the blackboard. Your attitude may be that school trips are an irrelevant waste, but is that a good reason for excluding your children from what promises to be an exceptional experience?Your relationship with money, formed by experiences and values, is the unrecognised driver of many of your decisions.

References and acknowledgements

Deedes, Jeremy. Right Money, Right Place, Right Time – Personal Finances to Transform Your Life and Secure Your Future. Rethink Press Limited, 19 Jan. 2015. (See also https://wordsnotdeeds.co.uk/rmrprt/)

Deedes, Jeremy. “Really Useful Books about Money (and Other Helpful Resources).” Words Not Deeds, 12 Dec. 2016, wordsnotdeeds.co.uk/money-books/. Accessed 2 Mar. 2023.Kinder, George. The Seven Stages of Money Maturity : Understanding the Spirit and Value of Money in Your Life. New York, Dell Publishing, 2000.

The Kinder Institute of Life Planning: https://www.kinderinstitute.com/

From the Coaching Room

I will start the next round of my upgraded FUTURE programme on 2nd September for four clients (individuals or couples). The programme is not right for everyone, and it is important that you and I discuss your participation beforehand. Please use the link below to schedule a free 20-minute call with me.

The call is free, in confidence, and without a commitment from either side. It is simply an opportunity to discuss whether the programme is appropriate for you.

Note that I am unavailable for parts of June and July; the call calendar will show you when I am available.

Alternatively, you can add your name to the waitlist using the same link, and I’ll send you more information about the programme and my Sunday Insight Post.

About me

My name is Jeremy Deedes. I am a coach with a unique background in business development, financial planning, and life coaching. I was the first person in the UK to qualify as a Registered Financial Life Planner. Today, I specialise in helping clients appreciate how their ideas and beliefs about money influence their decisions.

My exclusive FUTURE programme, a combination of life coaching and financial planning, supports senior independent consultants as they adopt a new relationship with their money and write a new life story.

Clients work with me to develop strategies and plans to achieve greater self-worth and net worth, and in so doing, my clients achieve calm by making sense of their money, confidence from clear goals and plans, and a new clarity of purpose.

I am known for revolutionising the lives of my clients, and I am passionate about not letting my generation’s skills, knowledge, and experience go to waste.

What do you think?

Your views are important, and your fellow readers would love to hear your opinion,
so share your thoughts in the comments box below, and thank you for your time and generosity.

What do you think?

Your views are important, and your fellow readers would love to hear your opinion, so share your thoughts in the comments box below, and thank you for your time and generosity.

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