The After The Kids Leave Home Newsletter
This newsletter supports parents whose kids have left home as they reset their lives and money for wealth, purpose, grace and style.
Have you done enough to protect your way of life?
Imagine the kids have left home, and you are out for dinner at a classy restaurant with your spouse to celebrate your thirtieth wedding anniversary. At this stage of your life, you are in good shape. You have organised your finances well and have no worries about paying for an expensive meal, knowing there is money in the bank and your budget.
Your business is thriving because you decided to do it very differently from your competitors when you started. It was a risk, and it worked.
You are fit and healthy. You know this because you have just paid for full medicals for you and your spouse.
Your family relationships are good, and you have a strong base of professional connections and friends, many of whom are new as the school gate friends dwindled.
And you are delighted that your children, although only in their early thirties, are in a similar position because they followed your example of cultivating resilience.
If this seems fanciful, know it is true. It is the story of Ricardo, who mentored me for a while. He flourished in the unfashionable packaging business by ignoring the industry practice of quoting and designing for free and instead charged for initial consultations and design work – something that would have been even more of a personal risk if he did not have the resilience to give him strength and confidence.
Ricardo told me how his children had followed his example of building their resilience. They were married, healthy and prosperous. Ricardo never ceased telling me they were financially self-sufficient and could work for fun, not money, because he had encouraged them to save ten per cent of everything they earned, even when delivering papers.
Resilience is essential
Resilience helps you ride the waves of life and spend more of your time on a crest and not in a trough.
Resilience is the foundation of your long-term wealth. Wealth is not just financial. Being genuinely wealthy is about health, friends, happiness, making a difference and strong relationships. It is easier to achieve this by becoming resilient in the first place, as Ricardo’s children will tell you.
Above all, resilience gives you the confidence to change and do things differently. Ricardo ran with his contrary ideas because he knew he was resilient enough to start again if he failed. And, of course, if you are the standard bearer for change, it helps if you can be there for others when the world falls apart and not fall yourself.
The mistake of not knowing.
Resilience is more qualitative than quantitative and is as much a gut feeling as a thoughtful assessment. However, good data is essential to resilience. Finding out where you stand is an excellent place to begin.
I run a personal resilience assessment for my clients. It is a simple traffic light system, and I am genuinely concerned by the number of “Don’t know” responses to the questions in the assessment. Therefore, much of my follow-up evaluation with clients revolves around developing a greater understanding of their situation.
The Nine Essentials of Personal Resilience
Check out these Nine Essentials of Personal Resilience that you should get right to build your resilience, and if you don’t know, I recommend that you find out. You will sleep easier if you know where you stand, even if it’s not good then you can do something about it.
The first four are internally centred, and a good coach will help you develop these aspects of your resilience if you feel you are vulnerable. The last five are external and you may feel it is important to retain an expert such as a personal trainer, financial planner or career coach to help you.
Get a notebook and pencil and start writing down your passions, values, aspirations, strengths and weaknesses. Identify any behaviour patterns that might be vulnerable to your resilience or cause you to make bad decisions.
Your integrity is the core of your resilience. Integrity will keep you out of trouble and identify you as someone with whom others can “do business”. Work on building trust, finishing what you started, lifetime learning and being comfortable with your mistakes.
Your resilience (and wealth) will fall apart if your focus is primarily on yourself. Egotism and narcissism are popular only with other egotists and narcissists. Build your resilience by exercising compassion (the antidote to egotism), being of meaningful service and transcending your ego.
Perfectionism, low self-worth, and a sense of meaningless are all common conditions that can damage your resilience. Hyperactivity and boredom should ring warning bells. It helps to be objective, positive and to be a problem solver.
Health and fitness
Keep an eye on your nutrition, rest, hydration, activity and body composition. Dealing with crises is difficult enough at the best of times. It is not helped if you are physically unfit or you are distracted by health issues. Health and fitness are very measurable, so invest in some tech if you don’t know.
Money makes the world go round, and running out of money does nothing for your lifestyle, confidence, security or resilience. As a first step, develop income, expenditure, assets and liabilities statements. Use a spreadsheet to project forward and see if your money will run out before you do.
Assess and develop your financial maturity to avoid money becoming the centre of your universe.
Work and income
You have probably been working to pay for you children. Now, however, you need to re-adjust your motivations. Sure, your work needs to keep providing an income, but if you are in the wrong job, you don’t enjoy your work or you have reached as high as you are likely to go, then you might need to rethink your work life to achieve greater resilience.
Now your children have flown the nest, your relationship with your children and your spouse or partner will also change. Listening is always helpful and will help to expose any problems before they explode.
Networks and friends
Strong personal and professional networks will be there for you when things fall apart. However, it works two ways. One of the best ways to build and strengthen your network is by being there for others, which is why networks are also the foundation of your wealth.
Resilience is multi-disciplined and essential for empty nesters as well as young adults. As an empty nester, becoming resilient as your world changes sets an example for your children, which they might follow. Start the ball rolling by forwarding this Newsletter to your children.
Discover your personal resilience
So, have you done enough to protect your lifestyle now the kids have left home?
If you need more clarification, buy a Personal Resilience Assessment, which includes a detailed survey of your resilience and a 40-minute evaluation call with me. I’ll be launching a campaign to increase personal resilience in November, and I am offering the assessment at half price during October in the run-up to the launch of the resilience campaign. Use the code PRAP50 at the checkout. The programme will take an hour and cost less than £50.
If you want to talk more about overcoming your problems and making the most of opportunities after the kids leave home, send an email to me at email@example.com or book a free 20-minute consultation call.
If you’ve just subscribed…
Welcome to After the Lids Leave Home, a monthly newsletter providing support across a range of topics for parents whose kids have left home as they reorganise their lives and money to grow their wealth, find a new purpose by making a difference and live with grace and style. Find out more at jeremydeedes.com.
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