RADIATORS AND DRAINS

I used to hang out with some wonderful people, but they were not radiators.

This was at a time when I needed radiators in my life. I was part of the corporate world, but thinking seriously about further education and going solo.

Instead, I surrounded myself with people who needed me for their own reasons and accepted me for what I was without challenge or question.

Worse, some were “blockers” whose ego, I suspect, did not want me to succeed.

It’s not that these were bad people; far from it. We had a terrific time, and I remain in touch with those still alive.

When I moved into financial life planning, the circle of people in my life started to include radiators, role models and helpers – people who looked out for me, challenged me and were there for me.

They helped me transform my life and grow.

The people in my life

You will know about radiators and drains. It is a classification that includes:

• Radiators who are on your side, give you comfort and boost your confidence.
• Drains who sap your confidence.
• Role models who you admire and follow because they have achieved what you want to achieve.
• Helpers on the road to your success.
• No-nonsense friends who are honest and unafraid to give you a kick when needed.
• Learners who look to you for guidance, support and advice whilst helping you grow.
• Blockers who stand in your way and don’t want you to succeed.

As an independent professional, you don’t want to stand still. You want to grow and change and help others do likewise.

You need to support and be supported, so surround yourself with positive people.

Changing your circle

As always, the first thing you should do is carry out an audit. Jim Rohn is reputed to have said that you are the sum of your five closest companions. I can’t find scientific research to back up the premise, but the people in your life closest to you must influence you (or else they are not close). Do you need to change?

If so, don’t upset your friends by dropping or ghosting them. Instead, step back politely and compassionately. As always, it is best to be truthful and upfront but in a way that uplifts your friends.

Then, search for and connect with positive people in your personal and professional arenas. Penny Power preaches that ‘business is personal’, so the seven strategies advocated by Natalie Kerr and Jamie Kurtz in Our New Social Life: Science-Backed Strategies for Creating Meaningful Connection are valuable for making new business and personal connections.

Your circle of connections will always contain radiators, drains, and other connections, so recognise them for what they are and strategically shift over time to the positive end of the radiator-drain spectrum.

Your Next Steps

Reflection time

• Do you believe that you are the sum of your five closest friends? Why or why not?
• In your current circle of connections, who hampers you on your route to success and who supports you?
• Have you been dropped or rejected by a friend, and how does it feel?
• Have you dropped or rejected a friend, and how does it feel?

Taking it further

Attributions and references

Photo attribution

Photo by Nicole Herrero on Unsplash

Audio link

https://audio.com/jeremy_deedes/audio/radiators/

Other attributions and references

Kerr, Natalie, and Kurtz, Jamie. Our New Social Life. Oxford University Press, 10 Dec. 2024.
Power, Penny. Business Is Personal. Panoma Press, 22 Jan. 2019

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I work with ambitious, family-oriented professionals transitioning to independent consultants to create a 3 to 5-year holistic plan so that they grow wealthy, make a difference and find meaning.

My clients are aged 35-50. They are in a long-term relationship with family and parents who are supportive but ageing. They wrestle with personal and financial responsibilities and dream of more control, wealth, time and purpose.

If this excites you, you are coachable, willing to change, and want to stop going around in circles, then find out more at jeremydeedes.com

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Your views are important, and your fellow readers would love to hear your opinion, so share your thoughts in the comments box below, and thank you for your time and generosity.